Do you have the DISEASE TO PLEASE? Also known as ‘co-dependency’?
God knows, I do! But not for much longer. Awareness is the first step and sister, I am working on it now that I am aware of it.
Terri Cole (a psychotherapist) does a great job talking about boundaries and SETTING THEM and determining who gets to be in your life. #boundaryboss #findteacherseverywhere
What comes into your mind when you read Terri’s affirmation above?
How does it make you feel? What does it bring up for you?
Personally I am doing audits of all of my friend and client relationships and determining if they are filling me or depleting me. It’s pretty clear. Answers come so instinctively and now the time for reflecting and thoughtful action is about to begin.
So here is where I suffer from this most unpleasant disease.
I don’t set firm limits of my time when I know that someone else needs to “talk off themselves”. That’s what they say in Sweden, “prata av sig”. Doesn’t sound quite the same in English but you get the point.
I allow people to go over their time on their coaching calls (I am fully aware of the time but I will gauge how to move forward). Some clients I can tell just want extra time and some simply are going over something super important for them and they need counsel. I will not stop them from that.
Other times I have friends call me and I listen and let them get it all off of their hearts because that’s what they need. Other times I have friends stop over my house and they cry and talk it out so they can get it off their heart.
Even people I don’t know well share deep things about their lives with me, it’s always been that way.
That’s what I do. That’s who I am. That’s who I’ve always been.
I am like the “Dear Abby” of all my friends… come to me for advice and counsel on what you can’t see for yourself.
The thing I DON’T do well is ASK FOR help in return.
I am more comfortable with people asking me for help because that makes me feel valuable.
That has always been my way to feel loved and being needed is a heady thing for me. That’s my payoff.
But now I found out that ‘advice giving’ is also a form of co dependency! SHIT!!!
What about you? If you suffer at all from this co dependency (the disease to please) what are your limits that you allow people to push or that are possibly more vague?
I just love to learn more things about my shadow sides. At this point in my life I am no longer interested in putting my head in the sand… even if I didn’t understand what I was doing. I can’t un-know myself now, right? Once we know better we have to do better.
Self confidence stems from understanding our ‘selves’… and it’s the most important work we’ll ever do.
If you want to go on this deep journey with me, reach out and we will get you sorted with a package based around what it is you are looking to want to create in your life. No joke. This work is so good and so deeply cathartic… taking the chance on yourself and getting to know who you really are so that you can right your own ship… getting to the point where you blow your own hair back and give a big high kick and say Oh HELLLL YES, here I am!!!
The feeling that comes from getting clarity and making a game plan with your very own accountability buddy who has AMAZING listening skills 🙂 and who is more comfortable giving than receiving … if that’s what you’re looking for then get me now before I get this ship turned on course and triple my prices. HAHA!
Your sister on the journey.